Metal Gear Solid: On the Battlefield
by Poncho Lacerdes
Summary: Solid Snake must find Meryl. But when he teaches her the duties of being on the battlefield, chaos ensues.


**Metal Gear Solid**

On The Battle Field

Solid Snake cautiously tip-toed across the shined floor of the

first basement in the nuclear storage building. His mission was to deactivate the walking death machine, code-named, Metal Gear. The Colonels niece, Meryl Silverbourgh was also on the base. Snake had lots of training and experience on the battle field but Meryl was only a rookie. Snake had to find her and protect her.

Snake spotted a familiar ass enter the womens bathroom. He decided to

investigate. Men entering the Women's bathroom was just wrong and Snake made a vow to shoot the bastard. Snake carefully pushed the door open. He crouch along the floor and surveyed under the door of each toilet stall in case the culprit had been hiding there. Like he had suspected Snake eventually came across a pair of black boots. Snake raised his SOCOM and bashed the door open and blindly sprayed bullets into the wall. " EAT BULLETS YOU SICK SON OF A BITCH " Snake said as he continued to wreck the wall apart with his gun.

Someone giggled behind him and placed their hand on his shoulder. " This has been the second time I've been able to sneak up on th.."

Snake had extreme training in handling hold-ups and he wasn't gonna let it go to waste today.

On instinct Snake quickly grabbed the guards hand, wrenched it around, elbowed him in the nose, and slammed their face into the toilet seat twice before letting him go.

Snake looked at the near unconsious body to find it was Meryl.

_Uh Oh._ " What the hell Snake! " Meryl yelled as she began to lift her face off the ground.

Oh sorry about that Meryl you shouldn't dress like a man y'know.

" How about we just kiss and make up. "

" Sure Snake, " Meryl said as she turned around.

" AHHHHHH!" Solid Snake jumped back in fear as he stared into the eyes, black-eyes

of a monsterous woman with blood around her face and mouth, a cheek bruised and swelled and two teeth missing." Holy Shit , uh uh , I mean Holy Crap, uh uh I mean , I think I got the flu , wouldn't want you to get any worse than you are."

" What was that? " Mery asked.

" Uh I mean I wouldn't want that perfect face to get sick, " Snake said as he cringed of the irony of his own words.

" Oh thank you Snake. Your so nice!" Meryl complimented.

" So why'd you get rid of guards uniform?" Snake questioned.

" I'm sick of hiding. I want to fight like you. " Meryl answered.

" I understand your concern but still Meryl you should at least keep the mask on. "

" No I'm good. "

" I really, really think you should keep it on. " Snake pleaded.

" No thanks." Meryl said.

_Damn, _Snake thought to himself.

" I mean I don't want to be confined to that uniform." Meryl said ," I want to fight for whats right, it's the whole reason I joined fox-hound in the first place. It's heroes like you and my uncle who inspired me to join. "

" There are no heroes or heroines on the battlefield. Only soldiers, tanks, planes and other guys who want to kick your ass. "

" But your a hero arn't you Snake? " Meryl asked.

" I just explained to you there are no heros or heroines on the battlefield. Are you deaf? " Snake yelled.

" Who shit your breakfast this morning?" Meryl asked.

" On the battlefield there is no breakfast. We only get dirt,snakes, and on tuesdays we are evenly distrubuted 2 rice crispies each. We also don't get to shit very comfortably in the battlefield either. We use a bush. In fact only general's get to shit in the thing I just ruined your face with so show some respect rookie."

" I'm no rookie, I've had intensive training on all sorts of firearms, terrorists and hijackers, right and wrong" Meryl assured.

" On the battlefield there is no time to decide between right and wrong, you only have time to blow up whatever moves and hope it wrigles as it bleeds to death." Snake said.

" Your a sick, sick man. " Meryl said in disgust.

" Of course I am I told you I had the flu for an excuse to not kiss your ugly mug, are you deaf?"

" No I've captured many intruders since I started work with my keen hearing and senses. I even got a beautiful car with my increased pay check to get to work with. " Meryl reassured.

" On the battlefield we wern't able to obtain cars. We had to ride on each others back to get

to the enemies base. "

" Wouldn't be faster if you all walked separately?" Meryl asked.

" Shut up rookie! " Snake demanded.

" fine. " Meryl sighed.

" On the battlefield nothing is fine. There is nothing fine about rotting bodies wherever you go."

" When I said fine I was expressing my agreement in your demand. " Meryl said irritated.

" On the battlefield everything is caused from lack of agreement. Why do we all have to disagree? Why does everyone have to fight? Why can't we work together? Why destroy, when we can create? We could have it all! killing is wrong, why do we have to fight when we can just all get along? "

Meryl sighed. " I thought I was ready for war... now, that I have blood on my hands, I just want to .."

" Quit? On the battlefield you can't quit , once your out there with a gun to your face, you can't run, or you'll be dead. " Snake said as he slammed his fist on the bathroom counter.

" I didn't say I wanted to quit! "

' OH SO YOU DO WANT TO QUIT!" Snake yelled.

Meryl broke down in tears. " Stop yelling at me! " Meryl screamed.

Snake began to feel sorry for the poor girl. " There, there, wipe away those tears... and blood. "

" Could.. could you pass me some tissue, or toilet paper or something to wipe my face with? " Meryl asked,

" On the battlefield we didn't get any toilet paper, we had to wipe our ass with leaves and page 6 of the TV guide. "

" I feel horrible. You must be really tough to be able to endure all the hardships of war Snake. "

" You got that right. " Snake agreed.

" Maybe I will quit and go to school, get my education ," Meryl suggested to herself.

" On the battlefield we never had any school. We were taught to kick ass. I however, am a genious, and I compliment others on their intelligence as well." Snake reassured.

Just then Snake's codec began to ring.

" Hello? "

" Snake it's me, Otacon, I know how to stop Metal Gear. According to the blueprint if you cut 4 of the wires and add 6 more and divide the total number by 3 and cut that many the main out-put capacitor should malfunction causing damage in the main hardrive. "

" ... SHUT UP NERD! "

" Snake you know that hurts my self-esteem, " Otacon reinformed him. " I know what I'm talking about , it's all here on my computer. "

" On the battlefield we had no techno boxes you call a computer. We had to add everything by our fingers. "

" Just do what I told you Snake!" an annoyed Otacon said before hanging up.

Then an anomynous caller called Snake who was only displayed by a shadow.

" Yo Snakey man! Quick you better run cause a squad o'guards are getting ready to ambush your place, dog! " the stranger warned.

" Who are you? " Snake asked.

" Im Mr.X! " The stranger introduced himself.

" Are you ghost? " Snake asked with suspicion.

" What are you talking about fool?"

" On the battlefield only fools fall in love. " Snake stated.

" ..."

"..."

Just then a squad of genome soldiers bashed down the door.

Snake quickly called everyone on his codec list for advice.

First up was Mei Ling. " Snake, Confucious once said.. "

" Mei Ling was Confucious on the battlefield?" Snake asked.

" No I don't think so.."

" Then Confucious can kiss my ass." Snake said as he hung up.

Next on the list was Nastasha. " Snake the guards body armor is very thin, you can stab through it with your knife! " Nastasha advised.

" On the battlefield we were only supplied with toothpicks to stab with, and they were round-tipped." Snake recalled.

Finally the Colonel who was sick of everything that was going on, cut in. " Snake what army did you serve in? "

Snake paused. Mei Ling , Otacon. Nastasha, Meryl, Colonel, and the Genome Soldiers all leaned their heads in for the response.

" ... I just want to be respected!" Snake said as he broke down in tears.

" I feel bad for the poor fellow , " The first guard said as he left.

" Yeh his time on the battlefield must have been like hell! " The second guard said.

The third guard paused for a moment before slapping the second guard across the head and leaving.

" Y'know Snake, I don't know who I am anymore." Meryl stated as she approached the mirror. " I think I am gonna take one long look at myself. "

Snake recalled the incident that happened earlier. " Meryl I don't think you should.."

But it was too late. " SNAAAAAAAAAAKE! " Meryl screamed as Solid Snake quickly leapt out the bathroom door and into freedom.


End file.
